How did it go last week? Did you have any good experiences? Did you slow down and take things as it came? One day at a time? This week I want to tell you about how I keep myself sane in crazy moments. How I survive when my child is throwing a tantrum or just acting inappropriately. I also want you to know how to apply it to the Adults around you. Whether it’s a mom at the park, on the sports team, or on the PTA.
How to Survive Temper Tantrums!
A while ago, I read both(okay, I also listened to it on Audiobook) “The Whole-Brain Child” & “No-Drama Discipline” By Daniel J Siegel M.D. One of my biggest takeaways from these books is that when your child is acting inappropriately it is just a call for help. For example, if they are throwing a fit on the ground, that means at a later point, when they are calm, you need to sit down and teach them the correct way to act when they are having a hard time. If they are punching a sibling when upset, they are saying I’m upset and this is the only way I feel like I can solve my problem. Except when my 8 year old does it, it means I know this is wrong but something is bothering me that I need to talk about I just don’t realize I need to talk about it. The problem behaviors your child has won’t be solved in one lesson but you can start teaching them how to act and behave in different scenarios and as they get more practice and are older they will improve.
Your Children Are Crying Out for Help!
When your kids are acting poorly, approach it as a learning situation, “How can I make this better in the future?” “What do I need to teach them in the future?” When you do this you personally are thinking analytically and are less likely to act in an emotional, irrational way (yelling, crying, etc.) You are taking responsibility as a parent. You see that there is a lesson here that you can teach them. Don’t worry about what others around you are thinking. Focus on you and your child and what they need. It may not be solved in one sitting but you start to recognize problems and start problem solving how you can fix it. You will feel in control, because you will be, when you are staying in that analytical mode. Both you and your child will be better off for it.
Here’s what may seem like a silly example but I was at Target the other day and Zoe sees a bag of Cheetos and wants them. She is crying, screaming, and hitting me in the face. If I really cared what people thought about me, I would have bought her the Cheetos to stop the scene. In my mind, I recognized that she hasn’t learned that throwing fits is not how to get what she wants. She needs to learn to ask nicely, act kindly, and even then she might now get what she wants. If I give in to the tantrum she will learn the opposite.
What is more important in the long run? Let people stare at you and know that your child will be better for it in the long run. Stay in that analytical mindset instead of getting caught up in the emotion. Know why you are doing something!
Forgive Others, They May Not Have Had a Teacher Like Yours!
Funny story, I started applying this to adults around me that throw temper tantrums. When an adult verbally attacks you, treats your child poorly, isn’t kind, thoughtful or generous, in short, doesn’t do things the way you were taught, approach it with this same mindset. It is not their fault that their parents, teachers, or leaders did not take the time to teach them to act appropriately. It is not your job to teach them or judge them for what others did not help them to do. Love them and be kind to them. Live the way you want your children to live. Be that example and others will notice. You just might inspire children and adults around you to become a better person. I promise that when another adult is acting poorly and you think this way it is so much easier to not become offended or dwell on what that person did or said. You can’t control other adults but you can control how you will respond to it.
Try it for the week! Let “What can I teach my child” be your mantra and let me know how it goes! Let’s Elevate!